Tsuta Sake to be sold for large undisclosed sum plus $10 and a jar of M&M’s

Source: www.maxpixel.net/And-The-Wind-Japan-Cuisine-Sake-Kaiseki-2336230

Following a visually stunning and highly informative ‘death by Powerpoint’ presentation at the Whottsup Beaches Resort and Conference Centre on Monday, Tsuta Ramen of Japan has offered to purchase Tsuta Sake.

The deal, subject to OIO approval, will see the founder of Tsuta Sake, Bo Andrews, walk away with a large sum of money. Asked for comment, Bo told us that he was at first reluctant to sell, but when offered the incentives of an extra $10 and a jar of M&M’s it was a deal just too good to refuse. He also mentioned that he is now living the New Zealand dream of building up a company and having it being bought out by overseas interests.

Although a sad day for sake in New Zealand, the purchase will allow Japanese dictionary publishers to redefine the word Tsuta as ‘ivy’ and pave the way for a new culinary delight of sake infused ramen.

Thankful that he will never have to do a sake presentation again, Bo Andrew’s will now concentrate on building up his next ventures; selling flour in a can for the lazy man and making beaches safer again by eradicating pesky crabs.

The rise and rise of Tsuta Sake

I couldn’t find a picture of sake blasting off into space.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Falcon_Heavy_Demo_Mission_(40126461851).jpg

Tsuta Sake has recently completed its first year of operation and is well on the way to producing high quality still and sparkling sake. There is much excitement about this new product and how it has burst onto the scene seemingly from out of thin air. People are intrigued by sake, they want to know what it is, whether it can actually be used in two-stroke lawnmowers and more importantly, how Tsuta Sake has achieved success in such a short period of time.

The founder of Tsuta Sake has been forced by his bank managers to give a short presentation to any AD511 student who is interested in learning about sake brewing in New Zealand and the promotional activities of our nation’s hottest fictitious upstart.

Unfortunately, there will be no taste testing at the presentation, but there will be a large bag of rice, some colour pictures and quite possibly an empty bottle on display. So come along. You know where. You know when.